Psychology

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Conflict Is Unexpectedly Good for You

Conflict Is Unexpectedly Good for You

Psychology
Conflict is everywhere we turn. There always seems to be an argument about politics, religion, or generational gaps on social media and late night television. What if these disagreements could be productive? America was founded on combining old ways of thinking and producing something new. Conflict is necessary for creativity and development; however, it has to be constructive. The idea isn’t to compromise, but to take the different perspectives and create hybrids. Constructive conflict could even resolve the seemingly elusive healthcare issue that has divided our nation. There are two stages necessary for constructive conflict to be harnessed successfully: rules and conversation. For conflict to be constructive, you need to establish rules Stage 1 is to establish the basic
Growing Old Is Easy, Growing up Is Painful

Growing Old Is Easy, Growing up Is Painful

Psychology
Ever since we have been able to think, we’ve been looking towards the future. We imagine how we will look when we grow up, the sort of people we are going to become. Without even knowing it, we set these expectations for ourselves because everything seems possible. From a young age we hear time and time again, “you can do anything that you set your mind to.” Untainted by the harshness of the world, we believe it. The idea of growing older whispers promises of freedom. At this age you’ll be able to drive, at that age you’ll be able to vote. Eventually you’ll go on to pursue a career or a particular lifestyle. You think that when you’re older, you can be whoever you want. As a child I was always very fond of drumming and always wanted to be a drummer. But I was told it’s better fo
How “Good Advice” by Parents Turns out to Be Bad for Children

How “Good Advice” by Parents Turns out to Be Bad for Children

Psychology
  Some kids want to grow up to be pro basketball players or astronauts; my daughter on the other hand wants to grow up to become a unicorn. Lots of parents still tell their children often that they can grow up to be whatever they want to be. That’s all well and good unless your daughter wants to become a unicorn or your son is 16 years of age, only 5’5″, and wants to play for the Chicago Bulls. If your 16 year old has unrealistic pro sports dreams without a backup plan such as a college education or goals outside of these pro sports dream, then you are failing them as a parent by saying “you can be anything you want to be”. The odds of my daughter becoming a unicorn when she grows up are zero. I can respond with “that would be so much fun to become a unicorn, but we don’t g
Why You Have Fewer Friends as You Grow up (and It’s Normal)

Why You Have Fewer Friends as You Grow up (and It’s Normal)

Psychology
Having good people skills, I know how to make people feel interested and connected. I’m never worried to have no friend. But as I grow up, I find that I have fewer and fewer friends. And this is not just happening to me. It is a fairly common feature with everyone. The root of the problem is the way we made those friends in the first place when we young, heart whole and fancy-free. Everyone makes friends wrong when they were young Recall your best friends in high school. What made you become friends in the first place? And how did all that start out? Maybe it was because you sat beside her on the first day of school, started to chat and just decided that hey, you guys did get along famously. So you became friends, spending time together during breaks and hanging out after s
How to Build Resilience to Survive in This Difficult World

How to Build Resilience to Survive in This Difficult World

Psychology
Facing difficulties is all part of life. It can often feel like we face endless challenges instead of happy endings – when we overcome one challenge, another one rears its ugly head. Some people I know grew stronger through these challenges, some became weaker and couldn’t see hope anymore. Two friends of mine were made redundant from their job during the recent financial crisis: while one felt humiliated, lost confidence and therefore had difficulty finding a new job, the other analyzed the situation, spent time identifying his strengths, saw it as an opportunity for growth and found himself a senior manager role in a new company. It’s not how many challenges we’ve been through that differentiate us, it’s how we see these challenges that matter. It’s not just optimism.
Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You End up Being Unhappy

Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You End up Being Unhappy

Psychology
Ah, Happiness. It’s a feeling we have all felt (hopefully), but it’s certainly not a permanent state of mind. Here’s the thing, we only know how to try to focus on something happy because we’ve experienced sadness. And vice versa. It’s like your favorite food. Let’s assume you love cookie dough ice cream and whenever you eat it you’re happy. But if you constantly have a freezer stocked with that ice cream, someone gifting you with another one wouldn’t necessarily make you happier. Contrarily, if your freezer stopped running and all your ice cream melted and you’d had to go without that ice cream for weeks, you would be elated if someone showed up with a brand new carton for you. If you were always happy and care free, then experiencing something pleasant wouldn’t necessarily make you even
10 Best Romance Movies That Reflect the Harsh Reality of Relationships

10 Best Romance Movies That Reflect the Harsh Reality of Relationships

Psychology
A lot of people love romantic movies. They provide the ultimate escapism and feel-good factor when the forces of love triumphs. Most of the times, the reason why it has such an impact on us is because of the message it brings–a message of hope. Many can relate to sitting in front of a screen with loved ones–whether at home or in the cinema, and feeling teary eyed when that moment comes up which has the power to tug on heartstrings. The best romantic movies do not just act as entertainment, but in fact, can actually teach us important lessons of life, love and relationships. Here are 10 romantic movies and what they taught us 1. Silver Linings Playbook (2012) Life is sometimes difficult and we can feel like we are trapped in a situation where there is no escape. But the beauty is its unpre
The One Rule to Keep Every Conversation Going Naturally

The One Rule to Keep Every Conversation Going Naturally

Psychology
How often are you speaking to someone new, feeling like the conversation’s going pretty well, and then… Silence hits. You don’t know what to say. They don’t know what to say. This is so awkward. What do you do? Luckily, there’s one simple rule that can keep every conversation flowing naturally, no matter who you’re speaking to. Whatever you say, make sure 30% of it is new information. No conversation will last long with the same information being repeated over and over – it gets boring, and there’s no new stimulation. When you don’t add new information, the conversation becomes like an inverted pyramid. The more you talk, the less information is exchanged. By using the 30% rule, both you and your friend will be learning new things all the time, keeping the conversation fresh and interestin
How to Tell If Someone Is Worth Your Trust

How to Tell If Someone Is Worth Your Trust

Psychology
Louise Delage. Remember her? She was a 25-year-old social media star, who in 2016 gained over 50,000 likes in a couple of months with photos of herself at boat parties and exotic travel destinations. She seemed like a fun, free soul who was enjoying her life to the full – but the reality was very different. In fact, she was an alcoholic, and was actually being used as part of an anti-alcohol campaign created by French agency BETC.[1] The campaign, known as “Like My Addiction,” was designed to raise awareness of alcoholism among young people. The daily images of Louise appearing to enjoy her life with a drink in hand was the perfect set up. People loved her social accounts, and no doubt many people began to dream of emulating her lifestyle. When the reveal came, her social media followers